There was a time in my life when I was constantly getting in my own way. I didn’t realize it back then, but almost every decision I made, every relationship I stayed in, and every harsh thought I had toward myself was rooted in one core belief. I wasn’t good enough. I dismissed compliments but obsessed over criticism. I replayed past mistakes like a highlight reel of my failures. I shrunk myself to seem more likable and over-explained to prove I wasn’t “too much.” I thought I could fix myself, I’d finally be worthy. But I wasn’t broken. I was scared.
Patterns That Kept Me Stuck; Self sabotage looked like:
Constant confrontation to stay in control
Toxic relationships I thought I deserved
Avoiding my needs to avoid rejection
All-or-nothing thinking that left no room for growth
Silencing my intuition to fit into other people’s expectations
Taking the blame for things that were never mine
Dimming my light so I wouldn’t make other uncomfortable
The Turning Point:
Change didn’t come overnight. It came in a quiet moment in therapy when I finally asked myself, What if I choose me? I was tired of the pain, tired of the cycles, and more than anything–I was tired of betraying myself. That one decision–to stop fighting myself–was the beginning of a new journey.
What Helped Me Heal:
The biggest shift happened when I stopped trying to fix myself and started trying to know myself. Heres what help me rebuild:
1. Setting Boundaries Without Guilt
I learned that saying “no” wasn’t selfish—it was self-respect.
2. Rebuilding Trust With Myself
By keeping small promises, honoring my feelings, and showing up even in tiny ways, I began to feel safe with myself again.
3. Rewriting Old Beliefs
“I’m too sensitive” became “I feel deeply—and that’s a strength.”
“I always mess up” became “I’m learning. I grow.”
4. Speaking Kindly to Myself
I wouldn’t shame a child for struggling—so why do it to myself?
5. Choosing Curiosity Over Criticism
Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” I started asking, “What do I need?”
Who I Am Now
I’m not perfect. But now, I’m on my side. I no longer abandon myself to please others. I trust my intuition. I say what I feel. I rest when I need to. And I’m learning to love the woman I’ve become—flaws, softness, strength and all.
A Message for You:
If you see yourself in any part of my story, hear this: You are not broken. You’re not behind. You’re becoming.Healing isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence. And real change begins in the small, quiet moments you choose to value yourself. So ask:
“What’s one way I might be sabotaging myself right now—and what would it look like to choose self-worth instead?”
Even if the answer is just a whisper, listen.
You are worthy of peace, of joy, of love and you don’t have to earn any of it.
Let’s keep evolving together.
If this resonated with you, I’d love to hear your story in the comments. And if you’re on your own self-worth journey, stick around this is just the beginning
Love, Fantasia
SELF-LOVE
thisisfantasia.com 
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